Thursday, December 27, 2012

feeling like a bratty two year old

a few weeks ago I had a conversation with someone at my school. looking back I shouldn't have had the conversation but I was looking for someone above me to "help me" make my decision and just to give a heads up on what might happen.  the conversation went something like this me:"there is a seventh grade english position open at blank school and i won't leave you in the middle of the year but if it's open in the spring i will apply for it." superior: "blah blah but let me ask you this you don't seem like you really want to be a teacher because you are absent alot and well with that happened last year at intersession." me:"pause, i've always wanted to be a teacher."

a bit of background information for my readers.  i honestly never thought i'd graduate high school, it was hard for me. (thank goodness my first high school had given me an extra math credit!) i now have two college degrees. yes i am bragging, gloating, etc. i have wanted to be a teacher since i was a little girl and i'm damn good at it.  the reason i have been absent so much this year is that i am undergoing some medical tests to see what is wrong with me, it is probably some type of autoimmune disease but i won't know for sure until january 17, and to be honest aside from two days of a jewish holiday my ONLY reasons to be absent this year are due to the medical tests and two days of being sick (as in i have doctor's notes.)  so judge away on that but i work with children full of germs, in a building that should be shut down but instead is undergoing construction with junk flying everywhere so yes i get sick.  intersession last year you say?  i was burnt out, but to be honest there were too many teachers and not enough students so i decided not to come back after one day.  it happens but do NOT hold that against me for a year that is inappropriate and unprofessional. 

there was more to the conversation that left me more angry than anything else but the thing that hurt the most was questioning whether or not i wanted to teach.  i worked in the corporate world, and i worked retail so i can deal with petty people, but the minute you start questioning my passion for teaching is the minute i start to lose it.  i am a great example of perseverance.  like i said above i wasn't supposed to graduate high school thanks to one math class and let me tell you i worked my butt off in that class.  i had a tutor, i went before school to meet with the teacher, but nothing worked and let me tell you in all of my schooling (yes i'm southern and that's a real word ha ha) my parents never had problems with the teachers, but my mama sure did call on my math teacher.  i went to two DIFFERENT high schools, one in georgia one of the best in the state, and one in south carolina that wasn't close to being the best but i refused to go to private school so that was my fate.  i digress sorry!  i also took six years of college!  my original major was five years (elementary education) but i had an issue with a professor who never believed me when i talked of my three different schools, in three different states, and then there was that whole issue with going to see my kindergarten teacher speak because she worked for the state department of education.  my professor didn't like my kindergarten teacher and told my class she didn't believe half of what she had told us, me not being shy rose my hand and told the truth "she was the reason i wanted to be a teacher" she was/is.  i had two fantastic teacher role models and she was one of them, the other being my 4th grade teacher but we'll talk about those fine ladies another day.  so i went to see the head of her department because she wrote in my portfolio (which she lost in a move but found) that "she wasn't sure i would make a good teacher." well as i informed her department head, i had spent the previous summer as a teacher's aide and they were ready for me to transfer to a south carolina school so i could continue working for their school,(and the superintendent) had loved what i had done, and i had just come from working at a summer camp, running the arts and crafts center while being a counselor but no my letters of recommendation meant nothing compared to one professor who didn't know me.  who tells someone their A work wasn't great, and that from one night class that was i put in late due to a scheduling error knew i wasn't a good teacher.  so i switched majors figuring i'd become a teacher another way, which i did. 

i am not ashamed of my journey to become a teacher because it proves what i've known all along, i'm good at it, and i want it.  i love my job!  i have hit my family up for money for my classroom, sports, yearbook, etc but no i don't want to be a teacher.  why am i sharing this?  i can't get over it! i can't look one of my bosses in the eye knowing that is how they feel.  i want to say to them you aren't a good principal are you sure it's what you want to do? i wouldn't do it, but boy do i think it, when they ask me questions about "if i'm reading to my class like the other teachers." if you knew what ramp up to reading was then yes you'd know i read to my classes.  was i wrong in sharing about leaving? probably, but last year i had a vp that i could bounce the these things off of and i needed that person that day.  do i want to go work at the other school? no!  why am i writing this?  i needed to share and i can't sleep. 

thanks! 

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Happy Holidays!

I have been out of school for a week now!  I spent the first 5 days of vacation at my grandparents in Florida.  It was fun but now I am home with my husband waiting for the snow.  I wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, or Happy Chanukah!  I hope everyone has a great holiday break and doesn't spend it working like I am.  ha ha!

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